Ten years ago today
Sep. 11th, 2011 04:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilfluffMy memory of 9/11
Previous post: 2007: I'm coming to dread television this time of year
Ten years ago today I got up as on any other work day. My radio came on and there was normal news. I hit snooze. The radio came back on with more normal news, I hit snooze. When it shifted to the buzzer it was still in the middle of normal everyday news.
I showered, got dressed for work, grabbed my things and got in the car. I would have found out then but I had the car stereo set to CD instead of the radio. Halfway to work I became bored with the CD I'd had in the car for a week and switched to the radio and tried to figure out what they were talking about. The newscasters described fire, a hole in the center of New York, the thick blanket of smoke and debri that was choking the air, and the fear that more buildings would collapse, and that it was believed to be the result of a terrorist attack. For several minutes they described not what the attack was but what the result was. In my mind the phrase terrorist attack, fallen buildings, and clouds of debri meant one thing. A bomb, and from the sounds of it a sizable one. For several minutes until they finally repeated what had been done to start the whole thing I found myself wondering if someone had finally managed to steal and use a tactical nuclear weapon, because I just couldn't picture a car bomb doing that kind of damage. Even the bomb at Oklahoma City only (and how strange it feels to say, "only") tore out the side of the building it was parked next to.
Thus it is, that one of my memories of 9/11 is feeling relief when I learned what had really been done and then a dawning horror that I could find relief in that even if the alternative was nuclear terrorism.
The rest of the work day went like I expect it did for many others. I parked at work and listened to the radio for several minutes before managing to break away and go inside. In the lobby the receptionists desk had a radio tuned to the same news broadcast. The music in the elevator was replaced with news. In the room I worked in there was a large computer monitor intended to be used for the visually impaired that at the press of a button acted as a TV. It was tuned to a local channel's news broadcast. The maintenance office on the same floor had their TV switched to CNN and moved to the door. I don't know if anyone got more than a normal day's hour's worth of work done. Then go home and stare at the news for more hours.
Then there was the rage. I never lived in New York and my family was fortunate enough not to have had any close relatives or friends killed in the attack, but that didn't stop the anger. It wasn't a surface thing, it festered for a while down inside and I had to be careful what I watched or listened to. Angry media was right out for it would pull the anger up to the surface. I think I first realized this on another drive to work when I started singing along to the song Echo's Children song No Quarter and found myself screaming the refrain, and their song for Oklahoma City would leave me in tears and no condition to drive. I spent probably three years with the radio set permanently to the local classical music station simply because that would nearly always be safe to listen to.
And today? Today my wish would be for the politicians to go home and spend the day with their families. I watched a program about the construction of the Trade Center memorial and the new buildings. But otherwise I think my television will be off today.
Previous post: 2007: I'm coming to dread television this time of year
Ten years ago today I got up as on any other work day. My radio came on and there was normal news. I hit snooze. The radio came back on with more normal news, I hit snooze. When it shifted to the buzzer it was still in the middle of normal everyday news.
I showered, got dressed for work, grabbed my things and got in the car. I would have found out then but I had the car stereo set to CD instead of the radio. Halfway to work I became bored with the CD I'd had in the car for a week and switched to the radio and tried to figure out what they were talking about. The newscasters described fire, a hole in the center of New York, the thick blanket of smoke and debri that was choking the air, and the fear that more buildings would collapse, and that it was believed to be the result of a terrorist attack. For several minutes they described not what the attack was but what the result was. In my mind the phrase terrorist attack, fallen buildings, and clouds of debri meant one thing. A bomb, and from the sounds of it a sizable one. For several minutes until they finally repeated what had been done to start the whole thing I found myself wondering if someone had finally managed to steal and use a tactical nuclear weapon, because I just couldn't picture a car bomb doing that kind of damage. Even the bomb at Oklahoma City only (and how strange it feels to say, "only") tore out the side of the building it was parked next to.
Thus it is, that one of my memories of 9/11 is feeling relief when I learned what had really been done and then a dawning horror that I could find relief in that even if the alternative was nuclear terrorism.
The rest of the work day went like I expect it did for many others. I parked at work and listened to the radio for several minutes before managing to break away and go inside. In the lobby the receptionists desk had a radio tuned to the same news broadcast. The music in the elevator was replaced with news. In the room I worked in there was a large computer monitor intended to be used for the visually impaired that at the press of a button acted as a TV. It was tuned to a local channel's news broadcast. The maintenance office on the same floor had their TV switched to CNN and moved to the door. I don't know if anyone got more than a normal day's hour's worth of work done. Then go home and stare at the news for more hours.
Then there was the rage. I never lived in New York and my family was fortunate enough not to have had any close relatives or friends killed in the attack, but that didn't stop the anger. It wasn't a surface thing, it festered for a while down inside and I had to be careful what I watched or listened to. Angry media was right out for it would pull the anger up to the surface. I think I first realized this on another drive to work when I started singing along to the song Echo's Children song No Quarter and found myself screaming the refrain, and their song for Oklahoma City would leave me in tears and no condition to drive. I spent probably three years with the radio set permanently to the local classical music station simply because that would nearly always be safe to listen to.
And today? Today my wish would be for the politicians to go home and spend the day with their families. I watched a program about the construction of the Trade Center memorial and the new buildings. But otherwise I think my television will be off today.
