Helpdesk people will understand

[lilfluff]

Can someone tell me what is so difficult about the question "What page (in the instructions) does the trouble start on?"

Answers I get:

• The title of the book


• The name of the software


• Ignored: They start in on a description of the problem


• "Huh? What do you mean?"


• The page number of... a completely seperate book

Comments

[davetheinverted]

"What email program are you using?"

• "I get my email through [NameOfISP]."
  
• "Windows 98."
  
• "Internet Explorer."
  
• "I don't have one of those."
  
• "Huh?"

I often follow this with, "What piece of software, on your computer, do you open up and use for the purpose of sending and receiving email?" Sometimes this works. Sometmes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I try, "What do you do, what do you click on, to open your email?"
The most common answer: "I don't know."

Dav2.718

That wasn't the worst time though...

[lilfluff.livejournal.com]

It once took me what felt like ten minutes, but was probably closer to three or four, to convince someone they needed to look for a particular key on the keyboard.

"Okay, you need to press the print screen key. Don't worry when nothing happens, just press it."

"I don't have a print screen key."

"It might be labeled 'prnt scrn'. It's between the regular letter keys and the 10-key pad."

"No I don't have any buttons labeled 'print screen' will File and then Print work?"

"No, don't look the the screen. This is not a button, it is not on the screen. It is a key on the keyboard."

"Um... no I still don't see a 'print screen' icon. What tool bar is it supposed to be on?"

"Wait! Stop! Do not look at the screen! Look at the keyboard, the part that you type on. The part that looks like a flattened typewriter..."

(fill in at least five times as much as is written before this.)

"Oh! Hey, I still don't see a button for it, but there's a key on the keyboard that says 'Print Screen' on it. Will that work?"

"..." Do not curse. You can call them anything you want once the call is done and the phone is down. Do not curse. "Why yes, that key will work. Now like I said earlier, you won't see anything happen after pressing it. There will be a few more steps before anything prints. Now go ahead and press the key."

"Um... I think my printer's broken. I pressed it but nothing happened..."

Anyone know where I can borrow a cross dimensional teleportation device? Oh, and can Torg or Riff please give me the coordinates for the Dimension of Pain? I've got a new toy for Lord Horribus."

Re: That wasn't the worst time though...

[davetheinverted]

Y'know, I'd almost been starting to think that going back on the phones wouldn't be so bad....

Dav2.718

To be honest

[lilfluff.livejournal.com]

I must admit the majority of the calls are not even close to that bad. If they were I would have burned out some time ago. But the people who call for help and then seem to do everything in their power to prevent being helped get on my nerves.

On the other hand, there's nothing quite like the feeling you get when you're helping someone and you hear the change in their voice as something pops into place and what was confusing suddenly makes sense. Apparently an addictive feeling.